i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We got so high we made milksteak
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize