i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
and she was petting her beer can
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
