Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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