u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
