Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
