Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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