Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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