I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
