I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have already put on my inside pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize