So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
