dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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