Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
