U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
