her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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