When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
