she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
