I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
