a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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