thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
