Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
