Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
soo... how was my night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize