so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
