Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
