Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
