apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
