pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
