Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
