She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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