New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
