hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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