I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
