pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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