Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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