i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
