You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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