Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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