i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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