i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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