I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
