I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
