i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
