Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
