too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize