He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
where are my eyebrows?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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