I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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