I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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