i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
