He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
