She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
