dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
