I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
