We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I could fuck to npr.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
