ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
