i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
