I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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