why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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