Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
