I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
