my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
ok first of all what the fuck
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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