Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
