she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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