Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
