Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
