I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
