I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I cut my penus on the lid.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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