I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
