Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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